| Shootings |
[Feb. 13th, 2007|11:06 am] |
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O.k you know what this has gone on long enough! why must people do this, go out on a shooting rampage? I can understand if they feel upset or angry, that no one understands, or there is no way out! but you really have to STOP! what is shooting people going to accomplish, what has violence ever accomplished? I can totally understant if the world will never fully be at peace, but why must so many commit pointless violence? what is the pleasure in hurting someone else? someone please tell me! I remember thinking how horrible columbine was when I heard about it on the news, and then a few weeks later there were rumours at my school, and that scared me. then there was the shooting at dawson which was far too close to home for me, my brother, though he got out safely, was there, and now this shooting in utah? why are angry people allowed near weapons? why are they not helped, people say "there were no signs" there are always signs, whether subtle or bright neon signs they are ALWAYS there, it's just a matter of seeing them. so why must we live in a world so full of violence and hate, why can't we just learn to get along? we don't have to agree with everyones opinion or beliefs, but can't we just get along, is it really that hard? I'm just so sick of all this meaningless hate, pointless violence, someone tell me what it's accomplishing! all i see where there is violence is terror and hurt, and more violence, the only thing that has progressed with time is the weapons people use to hurt people, instead of weapons why can't we figure out how to get along, parents need to be more aware of their children, and children need to respect their elders and everyone around, I see so often these young people telling their parents where to go, and it's just horrible, how is that respectfull? it's pathetic, not only that the kids are doing that, but that the parents take it! I know my parents never would have taken that from me! it seems as technology moves forward, as we find ways to "get closer" to each other, we get further and further apart, it's pathetic it really is, no wonder the world is full of hate, people only care about themselves, it's so sad! |
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| awards 2006 |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|10:02 pm] |
So haven't been on here in a really long time
anyways I just finished watching the 2006 teen choice awards, k now is it just me or should jessica simpson just stop trying? not because she doesn't need too(she does) but because well she just tries to hard, plus if my dad was trying to sell me as as sexual object to millions of men, I don't think i would continue in the entertainment industry.
Who else out there wanted jessica and nick to win teen choice hottie, just to see how awkward it would be, I'm actually suprised it took so long for them to break up, seriously if I was in a relationsip with someone like that....it would have ended before it began
congrads to johnny depp, personally I think you're the greatest actor ever, and hot too!;)
so the last performance of the night, "k-fed" too bad it will be his last performance, they weren't cheering for you, they were cheering for your back-up dancers, which I do appauld you on hiring, they distracted everyone from your crappy performance, here's a hint, just because you've done back up dancing for a famous singer, then went and married her.....doesn't mean that you have the same talent, remember talent is passed to children.....not spouses.
that's all for me. |
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| LOVE |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|11:17 pm] |
is kind and patient,
never jealous, boastful,
proud, or rude.
Love isn't selfish
or quick tempered.
It doesn't keep a record
of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth,
but not in evil.
Love is always supportive,
loyal, hopeful,
and trusting.
Love never fails!
Everyone who prophesies
will stop,
and unknown languages
will no longer
be spoken.
All that we know
will be forgotten.
For now there are faith,
hope, and love.
But of these three,
the greatest is love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8; 13 CEV |
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| Home Sweet Home |
[Mar. 26th, 2005|11:52 pm] |
I'm hiding from them all, all of them unknown
They're different, they've all changed
I've become the outsider, the visitor
I want to fit in, but I don't know how
It's too hard, there's no escape
I have to get out, there's only one way
No more pain, no more hurt
Silver, red, black, white... |
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| Love |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|11:49 pm] |
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not selfseeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies,
they will cease;
where there are tongues,
they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge,
it will pass away.
And now these three remain:
faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
-author unknown |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|02:04 pm] |
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so it's that time of year again, you know the mushy one, but i guess it's not so bad when you have someone to share it with, personaly though I do like someone, i don't really have anyone, i wish i did though, oh well, maybe next year eh? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|10:48 pm] |
I long for the days of old
when things were simple, and people were happy over the simple things
you can't walk down a street today without hearing a cell phone going off
but a cell phone is even outdated now, now you have to have a blackberry or whatever it's called
6 year olds dress like britney spears, and why? because their parents are too busy working and making loads of money trying to find fullfilment in material things, no one is happy anymore because no one can be happy with themselves alone, i'm not even happy with myself alone, what happened to the days of "gosh" and "golly"? what happened to spending time with family, to strong religious beliefs, to respect from children to adults?
has anyone heard that the terminator wants to run for president but he can't because he wasn't born in america, i say let him be president, I mean you can't do much worse then the one you already got. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|01:26 am] |
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it's funny how some friends can cheer you up, while others just remind you of how much your life sucks, some people would think i'm just trying to get pity, doing nothing all day, being lazy, and if i were to watch myself and not hear my own thoughts i'd think the same thing, i'm not going to bother fighting people who call me lazy, call me what you want i don't care anymore, and i don't want anyones pity, i have enough of my own thanks, it's on days like this where i wonder why I even got out of bed, i was so happy when i was in bed this morning dreaming, then i woke up, and i was still happy, and toasty warm, then i had to get out of bed, and everything started to go downhill, and now i sit here late at night, thinking to myself i should have stayed in bed, knowing i should very well be in bed at this hour, cause i won't be getting up early tomorrow that's for sure, which will just bring me down when i do get up, i spent my whole day waiting for one person to come online, and of course they did, very briefly, i don't even know why i bothered, they may be important to me, but i'm obviously not important to them, as usual, you'd think after having so many of them tell me yes that i'd know they really mean no, but no i still hear yes and not no, i still hope and hang on by that little thread, knowing full well it is going to snap and i'm going to fall and shatter into a million peices, i can only imagine how i look after being put back together so many times, no wonder less people notice me, "smile be happy".....about what? gimme one thing that i should be happy about....that i'm alive....at this point i don't know....inside i feel dead, i'm just a robot going through the motions, no feelings anymore, my arm is buzzing at me, screaming at me, my mind is a blur, i wish for darkness, anything to block out the images, to block out the sounds, wishing for sleep, but wanting a hand to grab onto... |
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| My life My chioces, don't like it? DON'T CARE! |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|04:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | peeved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | radio | ] |
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
(these lyrics are by simple plan, but when I hear then I think of myself...)
and to others who read this, yes I may be depressed but I am getting help, and if I was suicidal I wouldn't be asking for help I would have done something by now, and my mother has nothing to do with my feelings, though I do have abit of anger towards her, as I do towards many people, she is NOT the reason for these thoughts, it's just the way I feel, you try living my life and being happy inside all the time, I dare you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|02:17 am] |
one love, new love
old love, blue love
constant thoughts
guilt and sadness
lonely but happy
sad but alone
walking contradiction
helpless, reaching
decieved, vunerable
used, abandoned
words of love, fake
trying to hold on
holding on to nothing
I sit here thinking of my problems, when the world is just trying to put itself back together in some parts, and what do i do, i wallow in self pity, i have clothes on my back, food on my plate and a roof over my head, and yet i still dare to feel sorry for myself, i feel sorry for myself for circumstance that were my own doing, wondering whether things will go back, knowing they won't, once broken always broken, trying to let go and move on, but at the same time trying to look before i leap, wishing for things that are out of reach, things that shouldn't be wished for by me, wishing for other things i think i want, but not even knowing what i really want to begin with, this war is constant in my head, leaving no room for rational thought, irrational behavior shall no less follow i'm sure... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|10:14 pm] |
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So I was thinking tonight, if someone asked me what the one thing I wanted out of life was, what would I say, perhaps to find someone special, and settle down and have a family, sure a nice big house would be nice, a few cars in the drive way, but really all those little things are just possessions, they come and go, but it seems the one thing I want the most I can't grasp, it seems lately there are a lot of things I can't grasp, sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental break down, I feel like I'm disconnected from the world around me, as though I'm only a spectater, I want to participate, but I can't seem to break through the door, so what do I want out of life, I want to participate in it, I want the key to get in, to have the happiness I see from those around me, but from the Love of others. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|09:58 pm] |
and a Happy New Years to all
I wonder if today is a glimps into the rest of the year, as I have a horrible earache, though i know it's just because it's flu season, but what a wonderful way to start eh? "happy new year*achoo*" but it's the earache that's killing me, i'd much rather have a soar throat, though my soar throat went away when my ear start to hurt, so i wonder where the infection will go next?
all i really want to do right now is go lie down, but then after lying down for more then 5 mins i get up again because i can't take it, no matter which way i lie down something hurts, oh wonderful flu season, go away! |
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| crying |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|04:47 pm] |
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it seems like nothing i do is good enough, i do one thing and they always ask more, and i jsut don't care, i have no will to do anything, when i go out it's like a well oiled machine, just going through the motions, when i'm at home i just don't care, i sink a little more everyday, why can't anyone understand, i just want to be left alone, i don't need clothes, i don't need food, i don't need money, i just want to be left alone, know one knows how i feel inside, how much it takes for me to just get out of bed in the morning, the tears that well up inside my soul, the pain i feel just to put on a smile, no one knows what's it like, what it's been like, no one even tries to understand, my life has been one disapointment after another, i don't know how much more of this i can take, someone please help me, i feel so alone..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2004|03:38 pm] |
my thoughts are in a jumble
my heart is in despair
my mind now wonders, where i go from here
my thoughts are my wishes
my wishes my prayers
only to find nothing answered but my fears
time is in motion
yet motions stand still
nothing feels right
nothing ever will. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 27th, 2004|09:17 pm] |
oh how life never ceases to amaze me, just when i think things have settled, yet another explosion, at least i can't complaim about a boring life, but is it too much to ask for a little peace? *sigh* yet another day where i wake up and i'm still living in my dream.....this one though was rather interesting, I was pregnat, with 3 kids, from three different people....trying explaining that one, and then i had to go and wake up and read jokes on the end of the world, so for the first hour of my day i was worried about 3 non-existant unborn children....how fun, and if that was the begining of my day, one can only imagine the rest, though less dramtic, still interesting, but then life is onyl what you make of it, and my imagination is too wild to be boring, which at times can be annoying, but hey it's all good....right?
for my friends
I am but an image in the shadows, moving ever so qiuetly, so as not to disturb
to make a difference unnoticed in your life
your pain is my pain, your happiness is my goal
I am your shoulder to cry on if ever you need, though i pray your days are happy
I am your ears to listen when you just need to talk
I am your shield in the war, am i your sword in your fight
I am your friend through day and night. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|11:09 pm] |
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I'm not in much of a holiday mood, once again I'm wondering why I moved to this damned city, I'm starting to see my dad for who he is, and I don't really like him, I begining to wonder if my life ever will get better, or if it will continue it's downward spiral, by moving I've lost everyone dear to me, or so it seems, whenever I really need someone to talk to they are all no where to be found, I suspect everyone is either in bed or out, not that I blame them, I certainly wouldn't stay online all day, then again....I generally do, I just wish I had friends here, or family here, other then my dad, I wish things didn't have to change, but then I wish for a lot of things, and what good has that ever done me, it seems I'm destined to spend eternity alone, or at least that's how it feels right now, like everyone I've ever cared about was ripped away from me, sometimes I wonder why I wait at all..... |
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| Merry Christmas |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|01:11 pm] |
Something still doesn't feel right about Christmas....and it started last night, I was late arriving in town, so I couldn't go to evening mass, because of that I arrived first at my nana's....o.k that NEVER happens, that's just not right in all my 22 years I've ALWAYS arrived at nana's last, always, and then today I got up early and went to church instead of going to Claires for breakfeast, I haven't even opened my presents, and it's going on 1:15 this year is totally messed up
but then we have to remember why we celebrate Christmas, because it's the birth of Christ, and as the priest said today "Christmas without Christ is like an oasis without water, it doesn't work" but I still have to admit that this Christmas is a little wierd....oh well....right? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|01:25 am] |
So Merry Christmas!:)
My family had our traditional Christmas Eve party at my uncle's, after evening mass, though I got into town too late so I'll go tomorrow with my Nana, everyone got to David's by 10 and we had dinner, rice and meatballs:), before that of course the cousins got together and started playing board games, there was a new one this year, that would have been fun, except dinner was ready and no one wanted to play afterwards, and then we talked, and had fun, took the picture with cousins and nana, and even though there was no gift exchange this year we still got to see each other, and laugh and save another memory of Christmas Eve at Davids.
Santa has already passed over us, he doesn't seem to have stoped by here, but for some reason I have a little more belief in him then I have had in a long time, who knows why, maybe he's just something to have hope in, something to look forward too.
Tomorrow I'll wake up, we'll open presents, head to church go to claires for breakfeast, head to maureens for dinner, it's exciting, and i'll enjoy it as i always do, but yet, even after all this, i still feel like an outsider, i still feel like i'm looking in at my own life, i see what i want, i just don't know how to get it, but yet i do, so what am i afraid of?
why must i be so shy, so quiet, when i imagine myself in situations i'm outgoing , but when it comes down to actually being in those situations i'm not who i want to be, how do i become who i want to be, i don't know how, i feel like i've lost a part of myself, and i don't know how to get it back, i don't even know what i lost....
anyway no more of that it's Christmas, time to be happy time to think about others, time to be thankful
Merry Christmas to all! |
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| Stage four: Depression |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
sitting in my room by myself, in the dark, all alone, crying for things i can't have, i'm alone once again, yet another year gone by, another year spent under the mistletoe unnoticed, tears flow from my eyes, as my heart breaks, wondering what i do to make everyone run from me, am i really so bad, i try to be good, i try to make them happy, but yet i still stand here alone, watching as everyone is happy, smile up to their eyes as i stand alone in the shadows silently weeping, wishing i were better, wishing anyone would see me, waiting for someone to pause as they walk by, hoping i won't seem to eager, i don't want to scare anyone away, should i close myself up, seem uninterested, backing further into the shadows feeling safer as the darkness surrounds me , if i am alone only i can hurt myself, no broken hearts, no tears, no crushed dreams, no wondering why, just me, no sadness, no pain, no feeling at all, no happiness, no laughter, no tears of joy, no disapointment, no sorrow, just me on my own, no one to love, no one to lose no one to hate no one to miss, no suffering, no one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|08:57 pm] |
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I feel so alone, so empty, like i don't belong, everyone is happy, and i'm trying so hard to smile, but deep inside i'm crying, I just want to go home.... |
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